![]() search |
TALISMAN
general
Information
Unix server |
|
The Very Secret Diary of Aragorn
|
Erlkönig: The Very Secret Diary of AragornSource: http://www.livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire
2003-03-21 12:31:26 CST (Mar Fri) 1048271486 Day One Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King. Stubble update: satisfactory. Day Two Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were. Got v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I went on where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decided not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas. He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King. Day Three Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. That's all I'm sayin.' Day Four Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was forced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gandalf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for pointy hat trick. Day Six In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King. In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for Gimli and Legolas. Day Seven Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning even self on. Day Nine Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favorite sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thing as bad jewelry. Well, maybe Ring. Stubble update: wet. Day Twelve Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed
to be reminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace
returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that
could have been
Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood. Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really. Day Fourteen Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so fucked. Perhaps this place has a side door. Day Fourteen, Later Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist
us. Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die
looking at something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere. Will never be King at this rate. Day Fifteen Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads:
God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Still not King. |