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Taco Hell and the $2 Bill
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Erlkönig: Taco Hell and the $2 Billby Peter Leppik The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it
was happening. I hope it isn't one of those On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me.
ME:
Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go.IT: Is that it?ME: Yep.IT: That'll be $1.04, eat here?ME: No, it's *to* *go*.[I hate effort duplication.] At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT:
Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back. He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT:
Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?MG: No. A what?IT: A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.MG: Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL.IT: Yeah, thought so. He comes back to me and says
IT:
We don't take these. Do you have anything else?ME: Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?IT: I don't know.ME: See here where it says legal tender?IT: Yeah.ME: So, shouldn't you take it?IT: Well, hang on a sec. He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and
IT:
He says I have to take it.MG: Doesn't he have anything else?IT: Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.MG: I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE.[my emphasis] IT: What should I do?MG: Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money.IT: I can't tell him that, you tell him.MG: Just tell him.IT: No way, this is weird, I'm going in back. The manager approaches me and says
MG:
Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night.[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.] ME: Well, here's a two.MG: We don't take *those* either.ME: Why the hell not?MG: I think you *know* why.ME: No really, tell me, why?MG: Please leave before I call mall security.ME: Excuse me?MG: Please leave before I call mall security.ME: What the hell for?MG: Please, sir.ME: Uh, go ahead, call them.MG: Would you please just leave?ME: No.MG: Fine, have it your way then.ME: No, that's Burger King, isn't it? At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG:
Yeah, Mike, what's up?MG: This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money.SG: Really? What?MG: Get this, a *two* dollar bill.SG: Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?[incredulous] MG: I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty.SG: So, the fifty's fake?MG: NO, the $2 is.SG: Why would he fake a $2 bill?MG: I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?SG: Yeah... Security guard walks over to me and says
SG:
Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.ME: Uh, no.SG: Lemme see 'em.ME: Why?SG: Do you want me to get the cops in here? At this point I was ready to say,
ME:
I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says
SG:
Mike, what's wrong with this bill?MG: It's fake.SG: It doesn't look fake to me.MG: But it's a $2 bill.SG: Yeah?MG: Well, there's no such thing, is there? The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food. |