Erlkönig: shoot-foot.shtml

From: mac@fig.cray.com (Mark Cruciani)
Subject: A laugh for the day from the net (fwd)
Date: Mon, 10 Feb 92 18:24:28 CST
  
  Which language is right for you?
  --------------------------------
  
  In order to help you make a competent, uncomplicated choice concerning the
  competition between complex, incompatible computer compilers, we have
  composed this complete, compact, composite compendium comprising comparisons
  to compensate for the complaints and complements of their compromises. We
  hope you will find it comprehensible rather than compost.
  
  6502:
          You shoot yourself in the foot.
  
  68000:
  	You can't decide which gun and which bullet to use, so you
  	hang yourself.
  
  Z80, 8080...:
  	You foot yourself in the shoot.
  
  Ada:
          The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you
          a blindfold and a last cigarette.
  
  APL:
          GN 
To: afoshko@osipo01, amorone@osipo01, bpotter@osipo01, bpriest@osipo01,
        cdouglas@osipo01, ckarpiak@osipo01, colivia@osipo01, croberts@osipo01,
        ddowning@osipo01, dmccall@osipo01, dorzulak@osipo01
To: dsnell@osipo01, dwaldrip@osipo01, epeterso@osipo01, epugh@osipo01,
        froan@osipo01, fsavage@osipo01, goldziey@osipo01, jayers@osipo01,
        jcombs@osipo01, jeverett@osipo01, jgrills@osipo01, jhughes@osipo01
To: jlee@osipo01, jmahavie@osipo01, jmclean@osipo01, jshelton@osipo01,
        jyenawine@osipo01, kpelley@osipo01, mbaird@osipo01, mfox@osipo01,
        mgalway@osipo01, "Presley, Michael" ,
        mvearrier@osipo01
To: pshelus@osipo01, psteed@osipo01, rbrunet@osipo01, smurphy@osipo01,
        "Pietzsch, Stephen" ,
        "Rogers, Shawn" , sshelton@osipo01, swilliams@osipo01,
        tlee@osipo01
To: "'Elizabeth Ayers'" ,
        "North-Keys, Alex" , "grimm,thomas" 
Subject: FW: shoot yourself in the foot
Date: Mon, 27 Mar 95 10:14:00 PST
Encoding: 99 TEXT
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 ----------
From: Chad Hansing
To: Jennifer Ayers
Subject: shoot yourself in the foot
Date: Sunday, March 26, 1995 2:32PM


Jennifer,

This is probably more funny for those programmers at Origin .......


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes
it difficult to remember what language you're currently using.  This
guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find
themselves in such dilemmas.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
them all in the foot.  Providing emergency medical assistance is
impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which
are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
out of toes, than you read in the next foot and repeat.  If you run
out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no
exception-handling ability.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER. on  HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE.  THEN return
HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ....

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol.  On big
systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out
how to do it fewer characters.

Pascal:  The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL:  If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.  If you
fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid:  You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk:  Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of
you.  Answer the result.

Motif:  You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
handles of the gun.  When you finally get around to pulling the
trigger, the gun jams.

Unix: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o  % rm *.o  rm:.o: No
such file or directory % ls %

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can
too.

Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as
soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so
much fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot.  The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to
explain.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document
explaining how you want it to be shot.  Three years later, your foot
comes back deep-fried.

Ada: After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to
concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot
yourself in the foot.  When you try, however, you discover that your
foot is of the wrong type.

Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you
must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.