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Erlkönig: product-labels.shtml[2003-09-30] ACTUAL LABEL INSTRUCTIONS ON CONSUMER GOODS On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." Oops, a bit late, huh!) On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Duh!) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And I'm taking this because...?.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Other use?) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Maybe...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Don't blame the company, blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) |