Erlkönig: osama-in-hell.shtml

[collected Sun Nov 25 14:13:18 CST 2001 ]

> Osama's Eternal Life
>
> Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies.
> He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
> "I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
> "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
> You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do:
> I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
> I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
> I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
> Osama bin Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the
> first room.
>
> In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water.
> He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed.
> Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
> "No," said Osama bin Laden, "I don't think so.  I'm not a good swimmer and I
> don't think I could do  that all day long."
>
> The devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a
> sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.  All he did was swing that hammer,
> time after time after time.
> "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder.  I would be in constant agony
> if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.
>
> The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama bin Laden saw Bill Clinton,
> lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked
> in a spread-eagle pose.
> Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.  Osama bin
> Laden looked in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
> The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."