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TALISMAN
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one-liners3.shtml
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Erlkönig: one-liners3.shtml-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? -For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. -Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? -Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! -I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol -I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. -Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm -Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines -Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese -I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week -I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met -I intend to live forever - so far, so good -I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy -If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! -Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! -Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States -Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. -Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have -Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. -The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. -When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. -Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. -If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. -Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... -24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? -If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. -Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. -When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. -Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. -If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? -Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? -What happens if you get scared half to death twice? -Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. -I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. -I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. -Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. -How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? -Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. -Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. -Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! -OK, so what's the speed of dark? -Black holes are where God divided by zero. -All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. -I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. -Life is sexually transmitted. -Kids in the backseat cause accidents: accidents in the back seat cause kids. -It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end! -The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. -It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. -The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. -If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. -Never knock on Death's Door, just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). -Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself. -When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? -Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. -There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead! -A closed mouth gathers no feet. -Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. -The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. |