Erlkönig: lightbulbs.shtml

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A tree in a golden forest.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the
bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?
Six - 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was
lit from the moment they began screwing.

How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven - Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the
Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to
pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they
have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark
to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next
uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the
natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam
down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the
rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty
notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape
detection.  Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and
as a reward the landing party is set free and given all the light bulbs
they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
planet just in time to beam up Kirk et al. The new bulb is inserted, and
the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None, efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
You can throw away your light bulbs.  Just douse the cat with gasoline,
light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to reach the bulb.