Erlkönig: job-app-truthful.shtml

> >Here is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
> >McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida........and they hired
> >him because he was so honest and funny!
> >
> >
> >NAME: Greg Bulmash
> >
> >SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
> >
> >DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
> >seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
> >picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
> >
> >DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
> >Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
> >offer and we can haggle.
> >
> >EDUCATION: Yes.
> >
> >LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
> >
> >SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
> >
> >MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
> >stolen pens and post-it notes.
> >
> >REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
> >
> >HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
> >
> >PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
> >Thursday.
> >
> >DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better
> >suited to a more intimate environment.
> >
> >MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one,
> >would I be here?
> >
> >DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
> >PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
> >
> >DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
> >would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
> >
> >HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
> >RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house
> Sweepstakes.
> >
> >DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
> >
> >WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living
> >in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super
> >model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd
> >like to be doing that now.
>
> >DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
> >TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
> >
> >SIGN HERE: Aries.
> >