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Erlkönig: dog-humour.shtml2010-02-24 12:51:14 CST (Feb Wed) 1267037474 Dog:I don't know where my testicles went, but I still love you.------ Forwarded by Alex North-Keys/Tivoli Systems on 04/29/98 11:08 AM --- Trish Pierce 04/29/98 06:31 AM (I love dogs and have 7 of them myself so please don't assume anti-animal opinions on my part. I just thought some of this was funny and wanted to share. - Trish) > "I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his > water bowl."-Penny Ward Moser > > "The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage."-Danish > Proverb > > "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of > a dog, it's too dark to read."-Groucho Marx. > > "The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or > fight its enemies is lunch."-Michael Friedman > > "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of > dogs."-Aldous Huxley > > "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three > times before lying down."-Robert Benchley > > "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think > that is how dogs spend their lives."-Sue Murphy > > "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all > night wondering if there really is a Dog?"-Unknown > > "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and > give the wrong answers."-Unknown > > "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the > guts to bite people themselves."-August Strindberg > > "No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless > absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."- > Fran Lebowitz > > "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back > from a grocery store with the most amazing haul-chicken, pork, half > cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"-Anne > Tyler > > "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious > cult."-Rita Rudner > > "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a > can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."-Joe Weinstein > > "Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."-Unknown > > "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I > have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."-James > Thurber > > "You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person > with pets."-Nora Ephron > > "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you > are wonderful."-Ann Landers > > "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax > and get used to the idea."-Robert A. Heinlein > > "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone > should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore > him."-Dereke Bruce > > "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your > face."-Ben Williams > > "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."- > Edward Abbey > > "Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it > look like the dog did it."-Unknown > > "Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his > tail.."-Unknown > > "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as > the dog does."-Christopher Morley > > "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves > himself."-Josh Billings > > "Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."-Holbrook Jackson > > "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."-Andrew > A. Rooney > > "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his > life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to > the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such > devotion"-Unknown > > "Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and > your dog would go in."-Mark Twain > > "I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better > for it."-Abraham Lincoln > > "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where > they went."-Unknown > > "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not > bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." > -- Mark Twain > > "Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great > Dane."-Smiley Blanton > > "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed > contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are > nuts."-John Steinbeck > > "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We > can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."-Rita > Rudner > > |