Erlkönig: dog-humour.shtml

2010-02-24 12:51:14 CST (Feb Wed) 1267037474

Dog: I don't know where my testicles went, but I still love you.

------ Forwarded by Alex North-Keys/Tivoli Systems on 04/29/98 11:08 AM ---
  Trish Pierce 04/29/98 06:31 AM

(I love dogs and have 7 of them myself so please don't assume anti-animal
opinions on my part. I just thought some of this was funny and wanted to
share. - Trish)


> "I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his
> water bowl."-Penny Ward Moser
>
> "The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage."-Danish
> Proverb
>
> "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of
> a dog, it's too dark to read."-Groucho Marx.
>
> "The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or
> fight its enemies is lunch."-Michael Friedman
>
> "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of
> dogs."-Aldous Huxley
>
> "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
> times before lying down."-Robert Benchley
>
> "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
> that is how dogs spend their lives."-Sue Murphy
>
> "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all
> night wondering if there really is a Dog?"-Unknown
>
> "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
> give the wrong answers."-Unknown
>
> "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the
> guts to bite people themselves."-August Strindberg
>
> "No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless
> absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."-
> Fran Lebowitz
>
> "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back
> from a grocery store with the most amazing haul-chicken, pork, half
> cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"-Anne
> Tyler
>
> "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
> cult."-Rita Rudner
>
> "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents
a
> can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."-Joe Weinstein
>
> "Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."-Unknown
>
> "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I
> have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."-James
> Thurber
>
> "You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person
> with pets."-Nora Ephron
>
> "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you
> are wonderful."-Ann Landers
>
> "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax
> and get used to the idea."-Robert A. Heinlein
>
> "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
> should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore
> him."-Dereke Bruce
>
> "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
> face."-Ben Williams
>
> "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."-
> Edward Abbey
>
> "Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it
> look like the dog did it."-Unknown
>
> "Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
> tail.."-Unknown
>
> "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as
> the dog does."-Christopher Morley
>
> "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
> himself."-Josh Billings
>
> "Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."-Holbrook Jackson
>
> "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."-Andrew
> A. Rooney
>
> "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his
> life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to
> the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such
> devotion"-Unknown
>
> "Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and
> your dog would go in."-Mark Twain
>
> "I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better
> for it."-Abraham Lincoln
>
> "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where
> they went."-Unknown
>
> "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not
> bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
> -- Mark Twain
>
> "Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great
> Dane."-Smiley Blanton
>
> "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed
> contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are
> nuts."-John Steinbeck
>
> "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
> can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."-Rita
> Rudner
>
>