Erlkönig: beer.shtml

The Beer Prayer

Our lager, which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk), At home as it is in tavern.  Give us this day our foamy
head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against
us.  An lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers.  For
thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager.  BARMEN

NEWSFLASH ABOUT BEER AND HORMONES!

Last week scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces
of female hormones.  To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of
beer and observed 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't
drive. 

UPDATE TO NEWSFLASH ABOUT BEER AND HORMONES

It has been confirmed that beer actually contains small traces of MALE
hormones NOT female hormones.  To prove this theory, the scientists fed
100 women 12 pints of beer and observed that these women became obsessed
with sex but fell asleep long before they could please their partners. 

REASONS TO ALLOW DRINKING IN THE WORK PLACE

1.  It's an incentive to show up.
2.  It reduces stress.
3.  It leads to more honest communications.
4.  It reduces complaints about low pay.
5.  It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6.  Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
7.  It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8.  It encourages carpooling.

9.  Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't 
    care.
10.  It eliminates vacation because people would rather come to work.
11.  It makes fellow employees look better.
12.  It makes cafeteria food taste better.
13.  Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14.  Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15.  Suddenly farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16.  No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party.
17.  It makes the new guy feel like one of the team.