Erlkönig: woman-element.shtml

>Subject: FIRST ELEMENT - MSDS (fwd)
>
>---------- Forwarded message ----------
>
> Hazardous Materials Information System
>     
>     Material Safety Data Sheet
>     
>     Woman - A Chemical analysis
>     
>     Element:           WOMAN
>     Symbol:            WO
>     Discoverer:        Adam
>     Atomic Mass:       Accepted as 115 lbs., but known to vary from
>                        98 to 550 lbs.
>     Occurrence:        Copious quantities found in urban areas and
>                        malls.
>     
>     Physical Properties:
>     
>     1.  Surface is usually covered with a painted film.
>     2.  Boils at nothing.  Freezes without reason.
>     3.  Melts if given special treatment.
>     4.  Bitter if incorrectly used.
>     5.  Found in various stages ranging from virgin metal to
>         common ore.
>     6.  Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
>     
>     Chemical Properties:
>     
>     1.  Has a great affinity for GOLD, SILVER, PLATINUM and
>         precious stones.
>     2.  Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
>     3.  May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no
>         known reason.
>     4.  Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
>         saturation in alcohol.
>     5.  Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
>     
>     Common Uses:
>     
>     1.  Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
>     2.  Can be a great aid to relaxation.
>     
>     Tests:
>     
>     1.  Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the
>         natural state.
>     2.  Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
>     
>     Hazards:
>     
>     1.  Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
>     2.  Illegal to possess more than one.