Erlkönig: what-people-really-mean.shtml

A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING . . .

I need = I want

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later.

We need to talk  =  I need to complain.

Sure . . . go ahead  =  I don't want you to.

I'm not upset  =  Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly  = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional!  And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient  = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new
wallpaper . . .

I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade.

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?  = Too late, you're dead.

Yes = No

No  = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes
 to
sleep.

I'm not yelling!  = Of course I'm yelling. this is important!

All we're going to buy is a soap dish  = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the Cosmetics Department, the shoe department, I need to look at
 a
few new pocketbooks, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the
bedroom.  You did bring your checkbook. . . didn't you???


- - - - - -

A WOMAN'S ANSWER TO "WHAT'S WRONG?"

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = I have PMS!

Nothing, really. = It's just that you're such an ***hole

I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

- - - - - -

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING......

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm tired."  = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" =  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" =  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Would you like to dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." =  I want to fondle you.

"I'm sorry" = I really don't know what I did wrong but I hope this helps so
 we
can have sex

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are
 you
going through now?

"You look upset" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." =  Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." =  Let's have sex right now.

"I love you, too." =  Okay, I said it...now let's have sex right now!

"Yes, I love your new hairstyle." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, your haircut looks good." =  $50 and it doesn't even look different!

"Let's talk." =  I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
 person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" =  I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys.

"I like the first dress you tried on better." =  Pick any dress and let's go!